“Finding solace in solitude can mean having a peaceful communion with oneself, which can lead to introspection and self-discovery.”

When I decided to relocate to Portland in 2022, I picked a neighborhood I’d never been to and an apartment I’d never seen. During the next few months I would spend my mornings walking to various coffee shops in search of the best almond milk mocha latte. I would soon meet the adorable neighbor cat, Ernie, who without a doubt will mean mug any dog that dares to walk by. I discovered that the dive bar just a few blocks up has kick ass grill cheese sandwiches and Hamm’s on tap.

Two years ago I planned to go to a concert at a smaller venue just down the street from the new apartment I had begun settling into. Days before the show, I tested positive for COVID and was unable to go. 

Last night, that band returned to that very same neighborhood venue. 

As I slowly drove away from the apartment I had turned into our home, through the neighborhood that is now so familiar, past those favorite coffee shops, Ernie’s section of the block and past dive bar entrance, I was reminded of the comfort I find in being alone. 

Last night, I finally attended the concert I had missed two years prior. This time I would attend alone. 

I showed up wearing a “Mental Health Matters” crew neck sweatshirt with flared yoga pants and high top chucks. With a few extra dog and cat hairs clung to my black outfit, of course.

I purchased a Diet Coke, walked up to the balcony, and picked a row third from the very back.

Sober and solo. 

While listening to the opening notes of those nostalgic songs, I was reminded of how far I’ve come in my healing over the last 8 years.  Last night, I felt a rush of emotions come over me. Sitting in the back of a balcony crying such joyous tears while singing my heart out to some of the most memorable songs is a therapy like nothing I have ever experienced before. 23-year-old Kaitlyn should be so damn proud, because at the end of the day, it’s that version who I’m working so unbelievably hard for.

She deserves to feel happiness.

She deserves to feel worthy.

She deserves to feel loved.

She deserves to feel as though she is enough. 

“Finding solace in solitude can mean having a peaceful communion with oneself, which can lead to introspection and self-discovery.”

Last night I felt at peace. 

Last night I felt strong.

Last night I felt brave. 

Solitude. Introspection. Self-discovery.