This year has been far from a fairy tale for my boyfriend, Jacob, and I.

He has been my rock since day one. From the beginning of our relationship, he and I just clicked. As if we were our own puzzle. The pieces just fit together so perfectly. He had quickly become the shoulder for me to cry on. Whether it was a hard day a work, or a fight between my sisters and I. He was always there. No questions asked. Over the last year and a half, he has shown tremendous strength when it comes to dealing with my roller coaster of emotions. My parents announced they were ending their marriage. My mother announced she has breast cancer. I had felt like my life was beginning to crumble down around me. I had no idea, at that point in my life, how wrong I was about to be.

April 28, 2016. The day my life was about to change. Forever. That morning I woke up, looked over at Jake and decided that I needed to stay in bed a bit longer before I had to go to work. Little did I know, that would be the last morning, for quite a while, that I would be able to lay with him. The last time I would be able to roll over to his side of the bed and feel his whiskers run across my forehead as I lean in to snuggle him. The last time I would feel his hands embrace my face for a good morning kiss. I was about to learn just how quick everything can be taken away from you in the blink of an eye.

1:30P. I had showered and gotten ready for work. As I was opening the door to the porch, with two anxious dogs waiting to go outside, I noticed that there was a TV box, a new doggy gate I had recently ordered and a few other things from our porch barricading the door to the house. Without question, I moved it out of the way and continued taking the dogs out before I left for work. Seconds later, cars from every direction approached the house and parked surrounding the property. Jake had walked out shortly after and as he did, a woman took me aside and began explaining what was going on. I was hysterical and could not focus on anything she was saying. The dogs were running around frantically, not understanding why there were so many strange people on our sidewalk. As the woman escorted me inside with the dogs, I looked over at Jake and my heart felt as if it had stopped beating. That was the last time I remember feeling free and completely in love.

For the next 5 hours,  I had my house and all of the property searched by the FBI and multiple other law enforcement. As I write this tonight, I feel like that was a nightmare. But then again, everyday I wake up and remember that I truly AM living a nightmare. I was not aware of how quickly my privacy and rights could be ripped away from me. In my 23 years of life, I have never had any major encounters with law enforcement. I have never been arrested, never been questioned, never been on the wrong side of the law in any form. But that day, I was interrogated for what felt like a lifetime. I was sat down on my couch by the same woman who escorted me inside. This time she had a notepad and a recorder. She began the recording and reading me my rights. Was I under arrest? Would I need a lawyer? Did someone die? What did I do? The woman continued on saying that she was a police officer for a nearby town and that she also worked alongside the FBI in certain investigations. She began asking me questions regarding my social media profiles and all of my passwords to those. She then asked about Jake’s profiles and what social media sites he uses. Why were they separating us? Was she trying to get me to turn against him? She then asked me if I have ever felt unsafe in my relationship, if there was ever a time I felt as if Jake was unfaithful? Who is this woman? Why does she think that this is okay? Coming into my house and asking me threatening questions about my personal life?

3:30P As law enforcement and agents walked in and out of my house, bringing numerous evidence bags and mania envelopes when those ran out, from all rooms in addition to Jake’s truck outside, I sat on my couch completely alone and panicked. I still had no idea where Jake was or what was happening. The only information I had been given was that Jake was arrested and taken to the law enforcement center. As I sat on the edge of the couch staring at the carpet, I grabbed my phone out of habit and was going to respond to a few text messages I had previously missed throughout all of the commotion. The woman walked up to me as I was replying, and grabbed my phone out of my hand. She placed it on my kitchen table and said that I cannot have that while this is going on. Again, was I under arrest? Why could I not have my phone? How is fair I need to sit here and suffer through this alone? Shortly after, a man came into the house and asked if I was Kaitlyn. “I just spoke with Jake and that he gave me permission to leave the house keys with you.” I nodded with tears streaming down my face. The man then went ahead and began to point his finger at me and say, “This is a very serious case. The FBI does not show up on your doorstep for no reason.” No kidding, sir. Do you think that this is something I do on a daily basis in my free time? He and the woman who had just interrogated me went forward to tell me that my boyfriend was just arrested for production of child pornography and was on his way to Madison to make an appearance in front of a judge.

Immediately, my heart sank and broke into a million pieces.

I could not help but think, I know my boyfriend. I know the relationship that we have. I know the personality he has. Was this some kind of sick joke? Who was trying to frame him?

Little did I kn0w, from that moment on, I was about to begin a very long battle. Not only with the FBI and law enforcement, but with myself.

November 23, 2016. It has been 209 days since Jake was arrested. I have spent every one of those 209 days thinking about him. Whether it is through phone calls throughout the day, cards sent in the mail or selfies I have taken daily as a reminder of how much he crossed my mind. I have spent all of my Sundays for the last 6 months driving back and forth to Madison with his parents for court hearings, visitations and meetings. I have lost many nights sleep trying to find the answers to the questions no one would answer for me.

Why does he have to sit in there for this long while waiting for trial? Why do we have to suffer being apart while the complaining witness gets to continue on with her life freely? Why is it that my boyfriend just served 6 months in a federal custody jail while the town talks negatively about him, his business and the whole investigation, just for federal government to dismiss the case and have him transferred to a nearby county? What does he get back for missing 6 months of his life? Who will give him the money for being out of business for that long?

I am not one to give up without a fight. No matter how long this takes or the amount of sleepless nights I am about to endure, I know one thing for sure – I AM IN LOVE WITH A MAN NAMED JACOB DANIEL VOGEL, and nothing anyone says or does will change that.

I believe in the greater good. I believe in true love. And I believe in you, Jacob!