Personal Blog Postings

Lesser of Two Evils

by Kaitlyn

Today was yet another ultimate test of true love. At approximately 2:00P, I sat in a court room behind my best friend as he plead guilty to a crime he did not commit. Throughout the past three years, we have discussed our future in detail and what we picture our lives like in the up and coming years. Throughout all of the ups and downs, in all aspects of our lives, we have decided that we will be fighting through this together no matter what. We know what the end result of our relationship will be. The love we have for each other cannot even be explained in words.

Jacob, you have become my best friend, the calm to my crazy, the realist to my idealist, the rock and paper to my scissors, the butter to my lobster tail and the ranch to my pizza rolls. You have shown me how to dance to beat of my own drum and to not sweat the small things. You’ve opened my eyes to what loving someone more than yourself truly means. You’ve allowed me to be overdramatic when it comes to wanting to take home every dog I see, or for throwing away things you leave on the kitchen table. You have learned to bite your tongue when you don’t always agree with things I say, sometimes but not always.
Today, as we walked into this court room. I hope you to understood the amount of love I have for you in my heart. Regardless of what happens after this day, you know it will always be you and I against the world. I love you to moon and back Chaalee. Be brave and know that I am always with you.
It has been almost two years since this whole nightmare started and I still feel the same as I did on day one. I am not leaving and I am not going anywhere. The moment the FBI laid their hand on my arm and told me “I hope you get out, you deserve better than a man like that.” was the moment that I promised myself no one else was going to make my decisions for me. Today, I saw the same FBI agent that told me those things in the courtroom. We locked eyes as he glared at Jake’s family that was supporting him in the courtroom and that has been supporting him this entire time. If you raiding my house with me alone does not scare me out of this relationship, I can promise you that glaring at me while taking my boyfriend into custody sure as hell is not going to.
I am a strong enough to hold my head high and continue on. I am strong enough to take challenges as they come and to live each day to the fullest. I am strong enough to stand by the man I love and to fight like hell for what I want.
Tonight, I reflected on my blog and the obstacles I have faced –
“Have you ever loved someone so much that you physically cannot breath without them around?This year has been far from a fairy tale for my boyfriend, Jacob, and I.

He has been my rock since day one. From the beginning of our relationship, he and I just clicked. As if we were our own puzzle. The pieces just fit together so perfectly. He had quickly become the shoulder for me to cry on. Whether it was a hard day a work, or a fight between my sisters and I. He was always there. No questions asked. Over the last year and a half, he has shown tremendous strength when it comes to dealing with my roller coaster of emotions. My parents announced they were ending their marriage. My mother announced she has breast cancer. I had felt like my life was beginning to crumble down around me. I had no idea, at that point in my life, how wrong I was about to be.

I stand true to EACH AND EVERY one of those words. Jacob, you have been my rock since day one. But throughout the past two years, you have allowed me to be the slightly larger boulder in your life. You’ve allowed me to show you exactly what an equal partnership is like and what it is like when you love someone so much that you physically cannot breath without them around.

614 days and the nightmare continues. As I did the night of April 28, 2016 I sit on the couch with an aching heart as I think about what I will do tomorrow without him. Will I be late for work because he won’t be here to tell me to turn off my alarm and get up? Will I have to think of what to have for dinner instead of having it already planned before I even walk through the door? Will I have to sleep on the couch because I can’t stand the emptiness on his side of the bed?

Jacob, I love you to the moon and back. You and me, babe.

“When you’re standing at the crossroads and don’t know which path to choose, let me come along cause even if you’re wrong, I’ll stand by you”