“I’ve been called rebellious, wrong, a black sheep, different.. Because I refuse to be what everyone else is. I stand by my beliefs.”

November 2016 –

For those of you who are just starting to follow my blog now, my boyfriend returned home after spending seven months in jail for being accused of sexual assault among many other things – feel free to read my previous blog postings. We were reunited the day before Thanksgiving so needless to say, I had a lot to be thankful for last holiday season. There was a lot of love and appreciation.

December 2016 –

I spent the first few weeks focusing on finals week and preparing for my last semester of my undergraduate career. Jake and I went and cut down our first Christmas tree together; we also spent the holidays just enjoying the company of those who supported us throughout the past year.

February 2017 –

I bought my first car! After months and months of searching and driving to other states just to leave in disappointment – I FINALLY was able to buy my first car! 2006 Envoy Denali. I could not be more happy with my purchase, and it has been a blessing to be able to have an “adult car”.

March 2017 –

We spent my last and final spring break in Colorado visiting Jake’s aunt and uncle. This trip was very eventful – we went to the zoo, attended an Avalanche game, and unexpectedly replaced the transmission in the Denali. Although this was not the ideal end to our trip, it definitely was yet another bonding experience to spend the entire night in the shop with Jake.

May 2017 –

I WINED A LOT BUT FINALLY DID IT! After the nightmare I endured throughout my senior year of college, I was able to put on my black cap and down and walk across the stage at Winona State University with a double major in Business Administration and Human Resources with a minor in Management! The people that mean the most to me and that were supporters of me throughout the entire year were there watching me and celebrating with me. Words cannot even begin to express how thankful I am that Jake was able to be there and to congratulate me on finishing my undergrad despite the bullshit we have been through as a couple!

July 2017 –

We took an unexpected road trip with two of our good friends – seeing Mount Rushmore, Black Hills, the Reptile Gardens, Rocky Mountains, Big Horn Mountains and much more! The four of us spent our 4th of July in Denver, overlooking the entire area, watching fireworks from the surrounding areas including the Coors Stadium!

August 2017 –

FAMILY VACATION! Jake and I, along with his parents, spent two full weeks camping remotely in the Big Horn Mountains! This trip was unforgettable! There were a lot of firsts for me – watching my very first solar eclipse, four wheeling through trails in the mountains, calling in an elk and having it bugle only a few yards from me, seeing a moose out in the field, and accepting a new job while standing on the top of a mountain!

September 2017 –

Although the month of August was very exciting, September started off a bit rough for me. I have lost touch with a majority of my family, been working like a dog trying to save money. My mental health started to slip and I was forced to leave Target after enjoying myself there for the past 3 years. Due to the series of unfortunate events that have occurred throughout my time at Target, things did not feel the same as they once did with the people I once knew. Although leaving the company was heartbreaking, I know that by accepting a new job and starting a new position will open doors to so many more opportunities. I began my new position and began creating those new friendships!

November 2017 –

Hunting season started out with a bang, which unfortunately only ended with one on Jake’s end. The group had seen multiple deer in total but not many that were “shoot-worthy”, however Jake was able to drop one! A few weeks later, Jake and I were preparing for Thanksgiving where we would host his entire family. Along with his family, I was surprised with my nephew, brother and sister! It was an amazing day full of family and all sorts of things to be thankful for.

Throughout all of these exciting moments in life, I cannot help but be reminded daily that my family has slowly started to disappear. My oldest sister, Brittany, never fails to remind me that I am the reason our family has fallen apart and that I am the topic of conversation for every family function. After weeks of deleting her emails even after they go to my spam folder, one of her most recent emails read – “Do you want my couch, oversized chair and ottoman for free? I’m assuming you’ll be getting your own place after the new year. Let me know otherwise I’ll be donating them.” Followed by – “You’re just living with a monster who ruined every meaningful connection you had with our ENTIRE family. Classic case of projection.”

All of my life, I was raised reminded of the golden rule “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” but apparently she had forgotten that rule. She enjoys making my life hell instead of just cutting me out of hers. I have begged her to stop emailing me, stop sending me pictures and email of her daughter that I choose to not meet, and to stop with the emails of how awful she thinks my boyfriend is. But she continues on. But the thing that bothers me the most is that my entire family chooses to talk about me at every family function rather than sending me an email or text to check in on me personally. They choose to believe what my sister is filling them with, which has in return caused me to give up completely.

Luckily, I have been welcomed into a family that sees that sees the good in people instead of being so quick to judge. I have been shown more love and appreciation from the Vogel family than I have from my own this past year and a half. Which in my opinion, if I am doing what my heart and gut are telling me and my own family does not agree with my choices – that is the reason I have become so distant.

March 2016 was a time where I had a strong connection with my family, they were happy for me that I had found someone who makes me happy and were excited for me to graduate college. Only one month later, I was given more sympathy and looks than I could have ever imagined by my choice of being strong and choosing to stand beside that same man who makes me happy and gave me the motivation to continue fighting through until graduation. I was told more times than not that my family “feels for me” and that if I need a place to live, that their doors are always open.

I love my family more than words can describe but what most of them do not understand is that by being so judgmental towards my choices in life and by talking about me at family functions instead of talking to me, nothing good is coming out of that except the wall that I have created for toxic people in my life.

I am the youngest of four. I have an older brother, two older sisters, a single mom, and all of us were raised the same. We were all raised by a single woman who showed us to stand up for ourselves and to not let bullies knock us down. What I cannot seem to wrap my head around is how I am blamed for our family falling apart? Simply by choosing to stand beside the man that I love and that I strongly believe in?

If by me standing beside a man that I believe in with every thing I have causes my family to disown me and talk about me behind my back – than I will remain strong on my own and take my life one day at a time.